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One of the memories I have back at ogrebattle were of moronic asses who would show up and simply start a new topic stating how people who play video games, and who frequent sites like these are nerds. Im not going to say they're wrong because everyone has the freedom to hate whoever they want and I too used to go around to Star Trek sites and heckel trekkies (Ah, those were the days) but I thought I'd take time out to correct the people in saying that all people who play games are pathetic losers who work nightshifts at Kinkos.

Back in the early 50's and late 90's, the stereotype for the nerd was anyone who needed glasses, had bracess, knew how to use a computer and were good at school. Flash forward to the current mind-set. Now thanks to new styles and looking at how many famous people wear them, glasses have become more popular then ever. Modern braces are so hard to notice that people don't even notice them unless the bareer actually brings attention to them. People who aren't good at school or who don't know how to work a computer are considered the social outcasts or weirdos.

Like with most stereotypes, the one of the nerd is based on some out of date info and poor judgement. At school my friends and I rarely talk of games and when we do it's not for very long. After school I have homework, on the weekends I have work and on thursdays I have hockey practise (A Canadian who plays hockey? What are the odds!?) So Im not online as much as people think I am Im only talking about games with my firends while we're playing them or when im with someone who knows enough about them to make me listen to what they have to say. And if they only person who can do that can only be found on an ezboard, then that's your problem and your business.

The peopel who do the finger pointing have there own intrests too. And im sure that they discuss it often with the same people who share those intrests, does that make them [Activity here] nerds? Or does that make them people who are knowledgeable in the things that matter to them?

I don't expect everyone to share my intrests, I don't like outdoor sports, mainly because im athzmatic and not that great at running on grass. But that does't mean I exlude others who are. I had a friend who was thinking of doing himself harm because he didn't have the same intrest as the group did and he kept to himself and his own activites. You know what I said to him? Good for you.

Your not a geek for finding intrest in the things you enjoy or becomming so knowledgable in them that you are constantly on the talk of it despite what others think of you. If anything your what the opposers are thinking the opposite of you.
If you've ever been refered to as a nerd or geek just because you knew enough about your intrests to make the others sick, your the people who I want to hang around with. Because most likely you have enough know-how in you to strike a good conversation.

If im sounding like a councellor to anyone, than either your in need of a father or your just looking for an answer. Im just saying why I think we're all geeks in a way and how making fun of those different than you probably means your too out of date or not good enough at it it feel like one of the group.
And to anyone who thinks im an emotionally weak and desperate-in-need-for-a-feeling-of-self-comfort-in-what-im-doing, nerd... at least I have enough respect in me so I don't have to take out my crappy life on others different than me.




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You know that feeling you get when chest of drawers that your parents put in your room that you didn't want but they put it in anyways when you were at work and couldn't say no and it falls over on your toe... the same day your dog dies? Althought that scenerio has never happend to me, I can come pretty close everytime I see a preview for a movie based on a video game.

I almost wish that Mario, Pokemon, Final Fantasy and the other games weren't as popular as they are... why? Because then no one would be tempted to make movies out of them. The reason I don't like those movies is because the games creators have no say in the writing, directing, editing, music, in fact the only thing they do is give the rights to the movie companies who take complete creative control and turn the project into something between an elementary school drama production, and a Duran Duran video.
Let's look at some past video game movies shall we?

Super Mario Bros. The movie: How could Shigeru Miyamoto not only let someone else be in charge of his characters for a movie, but how could he have let them ship it to theatres after he saw it? Here's the basic info you need to know: Bowser (or Koopa) isn't the monster turtle, he's effin' Dennis Hopper with horns! The Mario bothers are called Mario because that is there last name. Im not kidding, that's Luigi Mario and Mario Mario! Last but not least are the final touches that make it seem like a forgein 8 year old boys independant film, what with the mountain of snot, the boots that make the Mario bros jump high, the metropolis where Dinosaurs and humans co-exist and love between the wrong hero and the unfamiliar female role.

Double Dragon: Remember the old action/fighting game Double dragon? That's okay, neither does it's creator. Whoever thought of making this horrible fighting game into a movie was a good idea is probably the same person who thinks if he drives fast enough the cops won't give him a ticket. I never saw the movie but it was the last we ever saw anything Double dragon. So imagine how bad it was that it actually KILLED the series.

Street Fighter: One name says it all: Jean-Claude Van Dam. When a movie has this wet rag as the star you know it's gotta be good... at least that's what the producers thought. Sure the movie put an effort to put every character from the game in here, but most of them never got the chance to fight and while the idea of a dictator in a red cape, a green monster with orange hair and a fat hawaiian guy are good characters for a fighting game, think twice who you want to see in a movie.

Mortal Kombat (1&2): The fact that they thought making ONE movie of Mortal Kombat was a good idea let alone two is beyond me. While this fighting movie was better than Street fighter, the movie was under budget and most of the characters had to play double or tripple roles. You know what's fun to play when your watching Mortal Kombat? Name that actor! The sequel was a little more organized, but why bother making another movie just because more characters were created?

Pokemon: The movie (All of them): I saw this on video... if you must know why it's because I was baby sitting and the kids dad rented his favorite movie. I saw the first one and decided that the next sequels wouldn't be worth my time. The problem with the Pokemon movie is you need to be a die-hard fan to watch it and you also need to have an advanced understanding of the TV show. I have none of these qualaties. I pitty the parents who had to sit though this garbage with there kids on the big screen. They're probably jsut as lost as I was watching this. The movie has no effort in it to explain the plot or the basic outline. Remember how I described the Mario movie as a foreign 8 year olds idependent film project? Well imagine that with anime and you got the Pokemon movie.


Final Fantasy: The spirits within: I never liked the Final Fantasy games but I had high hopes for this movie. The greatest computer animation ever and with the series being an RPG where you command a party on an epic quest in an ancient land, I had hopes that this would be something on the lines of Lord of the Rings. Man was I wrong. I shouldn't have expected much from a series I don't like and the director of Godzilla. With so many plot changes and twist in every scene, not every half hour, every scene the plot get's a complete over-haul and re-tooling like the writers went on a major bender and couldn't remember the basic plot line so they got the 8 year old kid who made Mario bros to help them out. It wasn't even in a fantasy land, it was in the future, the future! A team of heros in the future dosn't go very far, and the farthest to ever have gotten to a team was the crew in Star Wars, and even they were bassing it a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away.

Tomb Raider: I never liked the Tomb Raider games, and I always thought that the guys who did like it for the OTHER reason were pathetic. Wich comes to no surprise to me that the Tomb Raider movie was the best selling video game movie of all time. Apparently it was supposed to have a "buzzing" ending... well I sat thought it, Lara met up with her dad who knew she was comming... where's the "buzz" I was promised? I hate to damper your spirits boys but Angelina wore a special padded bra to give her that Lara 'charm' you loved in the games. There are movies on the internet where men do the unmentionable to women dressed as Lara Croft... maybe the people who enjoy the games not for the gameplay should stick to those movies and stay the hell outta public theatres and gasp at the shower scene.

Resident Evil: Now this movie isn't bad, but it's not great either. I don't know why people de-rail video game movies from it's original story plot but this one actually does an effort to make it seem believable. Surprisingly there were more actors than I thought there would be in it, expecting a female role and a cast of 2000 zombies I was a little crestfallen when my hopes for a bad movie were put to rest. But that feeling didn't last long. How can I put this in a way the writers for the movie can understad?... Me think you diolauge for movie am bad. I think there were script problems from day one, and I think that problem was that no one read the script. Not to mention picking on computers as the villains. We've come a long way from '2001: A space oddysee' to know that machines can't think for themselves... and they don't turn into creepy British girls either.

I hate video game movies, they make no sense, they completely destroy the games credibility and they always seem to be aimmed to make us seem like idiots with simple diolauge and an easy to follow plot (Except for Final Fantasy). I don't know why I still go to see video game movies. Maybe because I keep that stupid notion that 'maybe this one will be good'. Or maybe because I know the games creators feel bad about making the movie and I want to cheer them up by actually sitting thought one... with a GBA of course. Maybe I just get so bored and the realization that a game I like is on the big screen. The point is I keep going to see this crap and I don't know why.

I tell you one thing Im putting an end to it, Im not going to waste my money on garbage movies like that. I'll wait until a friend rents it for a party to watch or I'll watch it as an in-flight movie but Im not going to sit for two hours strait with the die-hard fans as they comment on how cool it is to see Lara Croft take her shirt off and bathe before our eyes.

Also I would like to point out that the nightmare is far from over. Plans are in the making for movies based on Chrono Trigger, Tekken, Crazy Taxi, Duke Nukem, House Of The Dead and Even Legend of Zelda... if Miyamoto has learned anything from the Mario movie, He'll either trash the movie before it's shipped to theatres or he'll direct it himself instead of that forgein 8 year old kid.



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It's pretty safe to say that most gamers don't like rummors. Most rummors are half-baked pieces of unmenionables that give off the impression that game journalists don't give the gamers enough credit. Gamers don't like rummors because they cloud the truth, derail attention of important matters and turn the community into one big conspiracy. So it's a safe bet that gammers don't like rummors, but do you know who must hate them more? The companies trying to keep big secrets under wraps.

The people have a right to know, and the people at the top have a right not to tell. To quote a line from Jurrasic park: "Silence is expensive". In other words: Nintendo, Sony and Microsoft pay big bucks to keep the media from blabbing super-high priority top secret information to the public. This way it keeps fans from breathing down there necks and sending hordes of emails and letters regarding the subject. And half the time the top secret info isn't even confirmed or half way through planning yet, so the companies don't know too much about the results yet.

So the companies pay the media to keep quiet, it's one less thing the companies have to worry about while they solve the High-priority subject. However, somewhere down the line there's a little snitch who's bettraying the trust of the companies by telling the public what's really going on behind closed doors. Oh sorry, what I meant to say was "Make up a rummor."

It's no wonder companies like Nintendo don't like commenting on rummors, they aren't getting there money's worth when they paid off the media for guarenteed zero attention.

Sure the people get the inside scoop, wich is often a good thing (The year long rummors of Rare leaving Nintendo actually coushioned my fall when the anouncement was made) but some things the companies don't like to tell the people should be kept secret, especially if the media is payed to look the other way. And if TV, radio and newspaper coverage isn't allowed to report it, what chance do you think fansites and EZboards have?

Now some things need to be reported within companies, things like corruption, underground funds supporting questionable organizations, accounts of death, you know things that could cause people bodily harm and that need to be reported for moral issues. Reporting rummors isn't one of them. Keeping rummors such as the Nintendo-Rare won't harm anybody, it isn't going to casue death and it certaintly isn't immoral. It's just something the companies don't feel like discussing.

Im not saying that people shouldn't care what goes on at the heads of major companies... wait a minuet, yes I am! What business is it of ours if Nintendo or any company has no comment at the time? If a company is paying lots and lots of $$$ to keep something quiet, and that 'something' isn't illegal, imoral or generaly will not harm the public or the environment, it should just be left alone.

Don't believe everything you hear but don't dismiss it either. Truth can hide in the strangest places. And if the reports come from websites first and not CNN, it means that the companies usually don't want you to know something. And depending on how serious the rummor or report is, you have to judge weither if it's matter of the public or not.




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It's no secret that I despise movies based on video games, but how do I feel about TV shows based on video games? Frankly I can go on either side of the argument. Depends on how much they relate to the orginal game.

I bring this up because Sega has announced a collaboration between Sonic team and 4Kids productions (Nintendo's anime company responsible for the Pokemon and Kirby shows) to create 'Sonic X'. Sonic the hedgehogs 4th cartoon series. What makes this series so much different? Easy: This time the show is actually based on the recent 3D Sonic games. Set in modern mans world featuring the same art style found in the Sonic Adventure game sereis. Featuring Sonic, Knuckles, Tails and Amy versus Dr. Eggman, Shadow and Rouge (And a new pre-teen human friend of Sonic's named Chris) this time Sega will have complete creative control over the new Sonic show.

You know what? It's about time the video game creators took better care of their franchises. Remember the first cartoons based on video games? They were awful.

The Super Mario Super Show was anything but 'Super'. Loosely based on Super Mario bros 2; Mario, Luigi, Peach (Or as she was known in the cartoons, Princess Toadstool) and Toad traveled across oddly named kingdoms battling King Koopa and his three henchmen wich were later exchanged for the Koopa kids. Mario doesn't talk in his games, and that's something the writters should have hold true to this TV show. Not only was Mario's voice the worst Cliff from "Cheers" impression ever but it also had drop references to the fact that Mario was Italian by casually dropping Italian food names into his end-of-show morrals... and why F*ck does he keep calling me 'Pizzano?' Between the horrid voice acting, bizzare chase sequence throughout abstract Mario levels and song parodies durring a climatic battles with Koopa's henchmen this how was the worst thing associated with Mario since 'Mario is missing.' And those two live "actors" (Note the quoations) playing Mario and Luigi in the opennings didn't help matters either.

The Legend of Zelda was true enough to the games in terms of lacation and elements found in the series, the problem was that the episodes were no more than 10 minutes long, and Link was an idiot. I don't know where they got this idea from but Link was portrayed as a cocky doofus after Zelda's heart. The show wasn't over until Link tried to steal a kiss from the Princess and even then you had to endure the 'Well excuuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess" catchphrase from Link obviously stolen from Steve Martin. It did however feature some of the elements found in the original Zelda game but the episodes were so short they were nothing more than cameos. Plus being only a few minuetes long the writers obviously didn't think they needed to focus all their attention on making a good script.

I swear the Megaman TV show had only one episode in syndication, because they were all alike! Each day we'd find Megaman trapped in a building while Dr. Wiley's non-lethal creations would try to break in. In the end Megaman would hop on his flying dog and rocket to safety. I don't remember much about this show, and im thankful for it. My friend's older brother told me that the show was cancelled after one season.

Now Earth worm Jim wasn't all bad, it did feature some preemo voices (Jim's voice was done by the same guy who does Homer Simpson's) and the episodes were genuenly funny. My only gripe is how most of the jokes were reused over and over again. Take Jim's sidekick Peter Puppy, every episode he would transform into a giant monster version of himself and attack Jim. It was funny the first time, not the other 900.000 times he did it. The show always ended with some character getting flattened by a falling cow. Original? If you haven't seen 'Monty Python and the holy grial' yes, was it funny? Not half as funny when you first see it in Holy grial.

Donkey Kong Country was a computer animated TV show, meaning 3D. The similarities between the game and the TV show began and ended with the names of the characters. Let's look at the comparissons I made. The game was featured on DK island. The TV show was on the banana shaped island of CongoBongo. In the game Funky Kong was a california surfer, in the show Funky was Jamacian. In the game DK dragged his knuckles, in the TV show DK walked upright. In the games DK and Diddy ventured to reclaim their bannana collection, in the show DK had to protect the crystal coconut... Diddy just got in the way. In the games Candy Kong was an attractive swimsuit model, in the TV show Candy look like she belonged in an 80's pop video. In the games DK lived in a jungle close to caves, ruins, lakes and forests. In the TV show DK lived at the top of an egg shaped tree next to a dessert. I've made my point this show sucked and if the two songs per episode didn't tip you off it was the Kennith Williams voice of King K Rool.

When it came to over exposure, Pokemon was king. Nintendo just wanted to make a simple RPG game and now we got stuck with hordes of merchandise. Not having played the games I can't judge the TV show, but from the few episodes I've seen I can see why 'Murdering the guy who created Pikachu' was on so many peoples to do lists. The show was cleary made for die hard fans, or so I thought. My little sister who breathed Pokemon during the hype was confused by the plot line and found the 'Who's that Pokemon' games to be too easy. You know your shows in trouble when five year old find themselves too advanced for it's games. I'll say one thing thought, whoever made the Pokerap must have been one dedicated person. Not only to find a way to rhyme 150 strange names but to also make it work in both Japanese and English.

I know I haven't even scratched the surface (I have yet to say a word about 'Kirby: Right back at ya', any of the three prior Sonic shows, 'Monster racher', 'Star Fox' or 'Pac-man') but I just can't go on. My point is that these shows have all failed because the companies gave complete creative control to the writers and directors of the TV shows. At least with Sonic X we'll know what to expect because we've played the games. Or so we hope.




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E3 is only days away, and by now im guessing that you're poised at your computer ready to download the new videos, all set to read the first-hand-previews from website editors and eager to wittness whatever secret project has been announced. Now is also the time when gamers all over the world sigh in discontent, ritually saying to themselves "Man, I wish I was there". I think we should be there, E3 should be open to the public.

E3 is becomming less and less like a business trade show every year thanks to the booth contests, stores, celeberty guests and live bands. In many ways E3 is like being chained to the wall and having the prison guard taunt you with a cake. All the business details and formalities are taken care of two days before E3 and then it's off to the showroom floor. Hey Microsoft, Nintendo and Sony, you can make those announcements any time during the year, why is E3 so important? Because it's the largest video game showcase of the year? Where business takes a backseat while you use all your money and power and influence to throw the biggest and loudest party these kids have ever seen?

Im serious too. Why wait for two days to read some fansites reviews when we can go to E3 ourselves? It's not fair I tells ya that these editors and reviewers get games months in advace to give impressions, exclusive interviews and the bragging rights that they got to attend the big show. Above all im just sick of the words "It's awesome, I wish you could all be here" that's my whole point: Why shouldn't we be here?

Are the companies afraid that some information will be leaked about their up and comming titles? Than why invite members of IGN whose job is to report such advances? Or why allow members of a fansite such as Planetgamecube in with a video camera? Magazine publishers and even TV crew are allowed in so that the people at home can get a sense of 'really being there'. Not to mention the games you show will be released in another couple of months, So why not charge tickets or hold contests to get the average Joe gamer into E3?

Apparently now there will be smaller open-to-the-public-E3-like trade shows and coloseums throughout North America. Unfortunetly by then the big show will be over and the average Joe gamers will already have been exposed to the game trailer videos and informed on all the secret projects. In other words: What's the point? yes im spoiled, it's the big show or a no show for me. Not to mention the chaces to actually meet Shigeru Miyamoto are nonexistent at these smaller events.

So the next time your watching a video shot at E3 and you think to yourself "I wish I was there" stop and think to yourself exactly why you aren't there.




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The world is full of chaotic problems. Each day we turn on the news or flip the pages of the paper and what do we see? War, drug raids, domestic disturbances, murder trial updates and natural disasters. This is the world that Walt Disney wanted to change, giving it a more youthful innocence take on the world. It's true when they say that no news is good news, but do we have to rub it in all the time? Although I've often supported doing away with the old way of thinking, when it comes to children I say we give them a sugar-coated, the Easter bunny exists kind of environment to grow up in--Hey, they're only young once, they have all of adulthood to dwell on the negatives.

With that in mind, why do I keep hearing about how some little grade 6 student has beaten all of Vice city before a grade 12 student finds time to install it on their PC? Did I miss something? How are these kids getting access to violent games and movies? Why are they getting to come into contact with mature rated products? Whenever I was little and I wanted something I wasn't ready for, the answer I always got from my parents was "Wait until you're older." So why aren't these kids forced to have to wait to play the mature rated games?

Im fully aware that now the average gammer is somewhere between 18 and 30. So the majority of the games have to appeal to those audiences. But what happens when kids see the games adults are playing. While the kids are stuck playing stuff like Mario and Jak & Daxter, the grown ups are playing with the more violent, more gory GTA and SOCCOM. To a kid, it's unfair. Twelve year olds are saying 'Why do we have to play these kid's games? Why can't we play the grown up games?' The answer is simple: The reason you can't play adult games and are still playing kids games is because you're not adults, your kids.

What's the big hurry to want to grow up, kids? Being old sucks. You got work, school, money and your future to worry about when your older; it's a full time job wich limmits the ammount of time you do get to play games. Sure the mature rated games get more hype so your bound to notice them, but the hype isn't meant for you. Even Vice city creators Rockstar games say that the GTA series isn't meant for kids...but that's who they'll be making the most impact on.

Ever since kids have been getting away with watching South park they've been growing up too fast, and it doesn't help the phenomenon that the kids want to experience everything an 18 year old experiences before they turn 13. Is this a problem? Yes it's a problem. Im all for kids growing up and maturing, but there's a time and place to start spouting off curse words and ethnic slurs, and it's not when you're parents are talking to you! Shrill voiced, prepubesant pre-teens buy into the hype surrounding modern pop culture and assume they can fit in if they copy rap stars word for word.

Now I can't blame everything on the kids, after all they aren't mature enough yet to look past hype and 'what's hip'. As always I'd like to blame the unfit parents who park their kids in front of the TV and assume they'll raise themselves. Kids don't know any better, they're kids! As such it's important for you, the parent, to teach them everything you know about being a promient member of society. If you're not a prominent member, then don't have kids! We don't want more of you. No one said parenting would be easy or even much fun, but think about what you're doing: You're placed in charge of nuturing a young mind, you are put in charge of a living child who doesn't know the difference between right and wrong. You choose wich is the right path, you ensure they lead a healthy life and you also make the rules that they should abide by. What they wont listen to you? Punish them. Be firm yet fair. They should know that there are concequences to their actions. If you're afraid that punishing them will make them hate you, too bad. If you're not willing to play the role of the bad guy you'll have an out of control pre-teen who has no respect for the rules on your hands. Trust me, they'll kick and scream and protest for a long while...but they'll thank you in the end.

Now it's always easy to blame parents for the actions of kids, they're the last line of defence to what their kids take in. But it's the companies that supply the mind altering products to the kids. I hope Ubi-soft, Bungie, Rockstar and Konami know that there are little kids out there in the world,Watching what they make. Sure to you it may be more potential customers, but you're only feeding their hunger to be more like adults by waving mature-rated game commercials on kids TV networks. They can play those games, when they're ready. When kids learn that violence isn't funny, that killing affects lives, they aren't imortal, there's a time and place for certian words and that they are the fortunate few who don't have to worry about where their next meal is comming from, THEN they can play those games. In the meantime, why don't you put some of your creative talent towards making some kid-friendly games? The adults have great games like GTA: Vice city, wich has some great programming and design layout... meanwhile kids are stuck playing bug-ridden Crash Bandicoot and lame-O-riffic Ty the tasmanian tiger. Kids are upset enough as it is that they have to wait until they're older to play all the beefy adult-themed games...why do you want them to suffer while they wait with horrid platform games?

Nintendo seems to have this philosophy that if a game is fun enough, anyone can play it and have a good time. And it's a good philosophy, too bad they're the only ones who follow it. See Nintendo tends to overkill that idea with their own franchises, wich thanks to some of their compeditors, have been labelled as kids only. So Nintendo keeps making fun games that anyone could enjoy while Rockstar makes games exclusive for one core audience. It shouldn't make sense that a game that appeals to EVERYONE is given less regard than a game meant exclusively for people aged 20 and up. But thanks to the law of aging, everyone who was a gammer fifteen or more years ago is part fo that latter audience. Hey it's always good making money, but since when did the video game industry become about making the most money? Whatever happened to fun and ingenuity? The whole idea has shifted to see who can out GTA GTA and who can nab the movie lisence before everyone else? What ever happend to making games for fun instead of for graphical awards? Im bored of cinematics, im tired of GTA knock-offs and Im just plain sick about hearing all these profit earnings.

Sure, Rockstar must feel nice knowing they control about 65% of the video game market in the US, but wouldn't it be great if they took a break from GTA and Max Payne and just made an E rated game? That way no one is left out of the loop and everyone can have a good time playing the same game. Think it's hard to find something that both kids and adults can like? Pizza, SpongeBob Squarepants, Disney movies, Homestar Runner, Roller coasters, the circus, vacation spots, water slides--all of these and more can be enjoyed by all members of the family, and they are. It's not a question of weither it's possible to make something fun for all ages, it's a question of if the modern video game developers are satisfied with all the money they made so far, and just feel like making a game for the hell of it.

So kids, don't sweat it that you aren't allowed to play Vice city, you aren't meant to anyway. Play something else for a change. Your want for something violent and blood-stained only gives those old farts in Washington, who want to outlaw violent games, more ammunition.





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