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Uptown slimJim |
Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous Editorials |
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Celebrities are people too...just amazingly rich people. This section is dedicated to celebrities who you just can't stand and why. Could be something they've done, could be shutting them down, heck could even be voicing your opinion on a current issue involving a movie/music star. Or you could use this section to stand up to celebrities who've been regarded as annoying by the public. Remember to obey the rules and reply to editorials in the "Discussion" forum of the editorial section.
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Uptown slimJim |
Pop tarts: Pop music is dead and we're better for it | ||
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MAN am I sure as hell glad that Pop music (Or POPular music as it's formally known) has run it's course. That entire genre of music dominated the entire decade of the nineties weither we liked it or not. As I look back at all the "Earth shattering" developments and headlines pop icons made throuhout it's years I can't help but laugh. Laugh at the hordes of pretentious and narrow-minded teens, pre-teens and even a few hundred pathetic tweens who caused an uproar everytime Teen people said the guy from Backstreet boys was hotter than the guy from N*Sync. Most people aren't aware of just how stupid pop music really is. Let me refresh your memory.
Pop music is (Im sorry, WAS) all about telling you what you should be listening too. Some parents got their bonnets too close to a beehive and started complaining about all the rap music and satanic worshiping heavy rock music on the air waves. What were the bigwigs at the record companies to do? Limmit how many bands they would sponsor? Enforce stricter censorship rules? No. They thought the best thing to do would be to formulate a genre of music in wich they could have complete creative control over. Control over what the singers looked like, what they wore, what kinds of songs they would sing, how they would sing it, who'd they'd be singing to, what they'd sound like singing it...especially what they'd sound like singing it. Pop music took away the inspiration of struggling musiceans everywhere, the bigshots at the top did all the creative (IE. Socially appropriate) work for the singers and all the marionette had to do was stand on stage wearing next to nothing shouting a "WOO-HOO" and "I LOVE Y'ALL TOO" in between pre-recorded empty air. And you know what the saddest part was? We bought it! Suddenly our meaning in life was to adoringly scream at snazzy dressers as they do-se-doed on stage telling us how much they loved their baby...and guess what? Apparently AJ from "Joe BoyBands" ideal baby was an overweight grade eight with bracces the size of a shark cage! Sample idea of what im talking about: It's April 2002, a newspaper front page has a small blurb about the war in Afghanistan right under the much more important announcement that J.Lo was getting married again. Im ashamed to be apart of the same species that anxiously awaited the latest Brittany/Justin relationship update. Are they past first base? Have they slept in the same bed since they moved in together? Why are we so caught-up in someone elses sex life as if they were two pandas at the zoo? And if you're reading this thinking to yourself "That's funny 'cause it's true" you need to get yourself a hobby. It's unfortunate because it's true, not funny. Well pop has finally popped at we have only two types of people to blame: Members of Boy bands...and what the hell, Brittany "BS" Spears. In the eyes of men, Backstreet boys and N*Sync were a bunch of wusses, sissies and fruitcakes. I wouldn't have thought it possible but N*Sync and Backstreet boys managed to out-do themselves by making them look more pathetic. Now not only were they a bunch of look a-like stooges (And what better way to impress the laddies than to do some well-coreographed dance routienes with your buddies) but now they were a bunch of look a-like stooges with long hair trying to be black people...who apparently can't grow their own facial hair. The Boyband formula should have been enough to destroy pop music all together, I mean dya think these guys could have sang with their arms tied behind their backs? Let's find out, and while we're at it, let's kick 'em a few times! But if you really wanted to find an allegory for pop music (It's rise and it's fall nine years later) just look at Brittany Spears...and a few years ago you didn't have a choice. Here's a shortened version of Ms. Spears carrer. Parent's worried that a 16 year old girl dressed as a skimpy schoolgirl was not a good role model for their kids*. So in an effort to save herself she pipped up a defence...something along the lines of "It's okay, im a virgin. It's natural for me to express my body this way because im just discovering it." So some how virginity was some sort of 'Get out of jail free card' allowing her to do anything she wanted to without worrying about what others thought about her. So for the next few years her defence for all comments about her were "Im a virgin" then suddenly Brittany suddenly asked reporters a question "Why is everyone so interested about my virginity?" Gee I dunno, maybe because YOU MADE SUCH A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT IN THE FIRST PLACE! Soon enough people began commenting on how she moves and what she looks like. "If you don't like how I look don't look at me" It's kinda hard not to look when you're on 30ft billboards wearing a shower curtain held up by carpet tape. Yeah it must be so hard to have all this money and fans. Interesting fact, Brittany's last songs were all about how she's her own independant woman...but they were written and produced by the same people who've been running her for years. It wasn't long before people bagan to realise the truth, that she was full of sh** and that she backed herself into a corner, and being a virgin doesn't help when you're up against the wall...but as we've seen before Brittany has no problem having her back up against anything. So now you may be asking: If pop music was so stupid why was it the only thing around back in the nineties. Good question. Like I said before pop music was the one genre where the record company executives could have all the control over every aspect...the same way TV execs like reality shows. While there's no denying that there were a few rock bands back then they were mostly crap rock bands that enfroced the satan-worshiping stereotype. In other words crap rock. Bands like Limp Bizkit, Korn among others. There was also pop rock wich was like crap rock only for skaters. These were the Blink182's, The Creeds, The Offspring's everything that would be appropriate to play at teen award shows and Nickelodean TV specials. So what did save music as we know it? Canada. I kid you not. In a time where there seemed no way out there emerged a new idea from a small Vancouver rock radio station. The idea was called "SEEDZ" and in "SEEDZ" young garage bands would send in demo tapes and the radio DJ's would pick the top three and send them to Canadian music companies. Guess who the first "SEEDZ" winners were? Nickleback, that's right: Spiderman soundtrack, NHL 2002 playoff theme, JUNO, Grammy and Music&video award winners for best album Nickleback. Followed soon by Sum41, Swollen members, Avril Lavinge, Theory of a deadman, New found glory, Bishop, Biff naked and so much more. Rock and rap were re-emerging, not as the drug-using devil-worshipping kind of rock but the kind of rock that delt with real issues, issues teens could relate to. Rock may not sound as happy as pop but that's because it's not supposed to, it's supposed to be a wake-up call to what life really is, and life isn't about mistakenly playing with someones heart. So pop popped, but like a bursting bubble fragments of it's former self, shards of pop band members formed their own solo groups, wich meant that they needed new images and new sounds. I used to wish that crappy bands would just break up, but as Justin Timberlake and Geri Halliwell have shown us, becareful what you wish for. This time however things were different, the people started thinking for themselves and started listening to those who were actually saying something about the real world, using there God given talents to sing, write a song and play one of the song key instruments...durring the pop erra you wouldn't have thought this possible. It's not over yet, the record company doesn't like the idea of not being in control and it's trying to kick-start it's reign all over again. Those not who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it...and that would explain American idol's second season. But seeing as how that first chick lost all recognizability after the show ended I don't think we have anything to worry about. So rest easily at night now knowing that the worst is over. But for the record...I always liked Christina over Brittany...and Shakyra over both of them. Respond to this and other Editorials in the discussion forum. pub37.ezboard.com/fnextgenerationconsoles80644frm15.showMessage?topicID=3.topic *For the record, musiceans never make good role models. |
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Uptown slimJim |
American I-dolTs: Singing the bandwagon blues | ||
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There I was, watching TV minding my own business when suddenly, a commercial for 'From Justin to Kelly' the movie starring America's favorite nobodies ruined my viewing delight. Thinking I would never have to hear from either of them ever again after the first season of American Idol ended (And so far my wishes were being fufilled) I cursed aloud, threw the remote at my TV and woundup finding insparation of this weeks editorial.
A popular joke among some of my friends and I during the final countdown of this years American Idol was "Whoever wins this competition will go on to be as popular and well-known as...whoever won the last time". Seriously, for reasons I wont understand, this 'Star search' facelift was the talk of the western hemisphere for its entire duration and much like the stars of an island-based reality TV show, once it was over it was over...more importantly THEY were over. Anyone who has been on American Idol has as much star power as the people on 'Celebrity Fear factor'.You know the people I mean: The lower-case C list celeberties. The people you don't care about, the people you don't want to care about. Once the phenomenon that was American Idol ended I thought that would be it. Nonetheless The Fox network didn't want an unemployed youngster as the American Idol, so they pooled their money together to give the winner something to do. In this case it was a movie. But not just any movie, a musical. Im sure you all know that a theatrical musical to a television show is one of the signs of the Apocolypse. Set on the beach during Spring break, Kelly Clarkson along with the long lost fourth stooge Justin sing and dance about parties, love and friendship. Seeing this movie would be an insult to your thinking skills. The movies is made to be an alternate story to how Justin and Kelly met. Of course if it were based on actual events it would have the two of them meeting each other briefly at an empty concert hall (And it wouldn't be the last time they'd be in one of those). Who are the writters trying to fool with this spring break rendevous? Kelly and Justin came together at a nation-wide explotation fest. Another reality TV show where this time, the viewers got to vote off a member. Novel idea, it got you what you wanted. But at the end of the day it was still a reality show. And a bad one at that too. Most of the contestants took the easy way out by giving themselves a head-start in the recognizability aspect of being a musicean. Real musiceans with cheap record labells (All they can afford) have to earn the attention of an audience through hardship and sacrifice. These bozos go on national TV in an instant with thanks going to three "judges". Hey three people aren't going to house the opinions of every person in a country; It's not like it's even their recording labells. I sure some of you already know my feelings about pop music, bad movies and reality TV shows. Blend those all together and you got my own personal hell. Since more than half the worlds population are guilible sheep I guess I have no choice but to put up with this crap. Winning American idol is just like learning to read at age fourty: Even if you get it your still a loser. Respond to this and other Editorials in the discussion forum. pub37.ezboard.com/fnextgenerationconsoles80644frm15.showMessage?topicID=3.topic |
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Uptown slimJim |
Kutcher in the rye: Leech for the stars | ||
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There are a lot of good teens out there in the world making a real difference. Dissing popular stereotypes of generation Y as being lazy, rebellious do-nothings who's life's ambition seems to be to hassle the elderly. Like the young woman voulentiering at the animal shelter or the students who spend thier summer at space camp; These are the teens that follow their paths and interests, the teens that other teens should be influenced by to become more like them. Yet instead of seeing kids who have made a difference on covers of teen people, we get the lastest teen actor/musician flavour of the month. And it's always the same flavour: Vanilla!
'Ben and Jen are getting married in Africa!' 'Cameron's dating Justin!' Clay would have beaten Kelly!'. If you didn't need the last names of anyone mentioned above, it's clear that we've all heard too much of these overhyped, overexposed and just plain over teens we're supposed to care about. I understand how it's getting harder and harder to ignore them, but that's not an excuse to just give into the hype. Take my annual upchucking otherwise known as the MTV music and video awards. A packed theatre filled to the rim with celebrity cardboard cutouts that look good with their hair up, mixed with the ear-bursting noise of screaming pre-pubesent teenage girls. The people in the audience must either be really stupid or really good actors to go along with the scam that the people on stage are somehow better than they are...then again maybe the rich and famous are better, they seem to know how to command an army of idiots.* And who better to be the new leader of the idiots than Ashton Kutcher. Are you as fed up with this Kramer for the kiddies as I am? I won't even try to figure out how his acting equivelant of doodling to the artworld has landed him a spot as this year's overly emphasized flash-in-the-pan; I mean sure he's had good exposure in both TV and movies where he's shown-off the range of his talents: He's an original cast member on 'That 70's show" where he plays an idiot, he started in "Dude, where's my car?" where he played an idiot, and he co-stared in a movie with Brittany Murphy where he played an idiot and he's now co-starring in a movie with Tara Reid where he plays a clutz...who's kinda dumb. Yeah I guess I can see why he's so lovable, he seems to be sticking up for the minority of idiots who until now, never got their voices heard by a genuine moron on TV. And what could be worse than the relationships we hear so much of? It almost makes me wish that the two stars mentioned were actually in love with each other so that when they decide to breakup, one of them would be devistated and suicidal. Anyone who think famous love is the same as real love is sadly mistaken. It was no coincidence that Brittay Spears and Justin Timberlake "fell in love" after hordes of screaming idi-I mean fans wouldn't shut up about how great it would be if the two of them got together. Those aren't relationships you see between Ashton Kutcher and that walking wax-model Demi Moore, or the one between Cameron Diaz and the even more efemenine Justin Timberlake. That's not love, they're just co-starring in a publicity stunt meant to give them hype in between movies. The peering into the private lives of people we shouldnt' care about has been spun around so much, it's starting to endanger the future of the world: How can we teens expect to be good leaders of the future when we accuse CNN of fabricating news but seem to believe the bond between Kid Rock and Pamala Anderson is honest and true? Nothing happens by chance in the world of famous teens. When it comes to cheesey teen award shows like the ones we had during this summer, write down the names of all the people mentioned during the 'Apperances by' roll call at the start of the show. Then when an award is being given out, they'll mention the names of three or four people who weren't mentioned in the opening roll call and one who was...it's a safe bet that the only one mentioned in the roll call will win the award. Coincidence that the other nomeniees didn't show up? Not bloody likely, these elaborate wastes of money award shows are used to convince the gullible youth that their opinions matter when really the winner was told weeks in advance that they've won just so they bother to show up. Why else would Jim Carrey attend every award show in a goofy outfit and a skit ready if he didn't already know he'd be winning? If he knew he wouln't win I bet you he'd be a little less rehersed with his acceptance speech. Like I said: Nothing happens by chance in the world of famous teens. It's all fabricated by the contract holders to put together what what we think should happen. Here's the truth: The puppet masters who control the stings of these stars don't care what you think. To them we're all mindless. They want our money and our attention to make sure that they get rich. And the louder you cheer, the longer you accept, the more you're furthering the negative stereotype of stupid teens. So stop getting disapointed when an engagement between two stars breaks up, quit cheering the cast of 'Friends' because 'They got you through that tough time in your life' when you've never known real hardship, stop pretending that 'Malcom in the middle' is funny and start being more like the teens who instead of gawking at the stars, reach for them. Respond to this and other Editorials in the discussion forum. pub37.ezboard.com/fnextgenerationconsoles80644frm15.showMessage?topicID=3.topic |
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Guardian CD |
You'd Better Not Kazaa My Stuff | ||
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You'd Better Not Kazaa My Stuff
by Guardian CD Kazaa, we all know of it and it's purpose: sharing files. This horribly vague purpose is going to eventually become "Share your OWN files and not those of a record company, they want their money you know!". In recent news, the RIAA brought up 261 cases over Kazaa shared music. Now, is it REALLY that big a deal? Do these incredibly rich artists and companies really need that extra 20 bucks I don't wish to spend on a CD that you only want 2-3 songs on? No, not in my opinion. These suits against over 200 clients are brought on when you share more than 100 songs or so. It has to be a high number, since they're bringing it to media attention. In the latest settlement, a 12 year old girl was sued by the RIAA, and settled for her paying them $2000 in total for every song she was sharing/downloaded, which was in the thousand range. Really, I can't believe these guys, suing a 12 YEAR OLD, is THIS what the USA has come to? I say the USA because I haven't heard anything about being sued in Canada or anywhere else, just in the good ol' US of A, if you know, you can feel free to correct me. But what do you think you can accomplish suing a kid with no source of income but maybe a meager allowance of a couple dollars a week? That's like having Bill Gates on welfare. If they want to stop piracy, great, but seriously stopping it by forcing kids to "pay their dues" is hardly what I call a noble cause. I guess the reason for the aggression on their part is that they blame peer-to-peer networking for crappy CD sales. I guess they never considered that maybe...just maybe, THE CDS SUCKED? I know I don't listen to a lot of music myself except what I listen to on the radio and in my very small CD collection. Even after the report that less users were using Kazaa, CD sales continued to drop. Still...these are KIDS, sometimes let's say they DON'T FULLY COMPREHEND THE LAWS ONLINE! They way you can access materials online leads you to believe that you have an almost indefinite freedom online, which maybe we do in some ways, but piracy is still illegal, just like it is on the streets. Pirated materials include Warez and ROMs. Don't know what they are? Almost every site with them will tell you and give you some kind of disclaimer saying it's against the law. Just check out this article for the facts and all that good stuff. (Verch, if you need a comment just IM me and I'll come up with one if you can't for the editorials page.) |
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Guardian CD |
The Kazaa-pire Strikes Back | ||
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The Kazaa-pire Strikes Back
By Guardian CD If you read my previous editorial, you will know the background of this new editorial about the Kazaa VS IRAA issue. Like Mario says, "Here We Go!" In recent news, Kazaa has brought up a lawsuit against the IRAA for illegal use of their software, Kazaa Lite K++, by downloading songs from users that are subject to copyright laws, and track them down and sue the kids (some of the music label users put up songs with nothing more than just constant beeping). Now I have to say, it's about time Kazaa started putting up a fight against the music labels. I've had enough of them suing people, and now, the last two cases, proved to bring up lawsuits against INNOCENT people, who don't even HAVE Kazaa installed on their computers. Now this just pisses me off: Quote: HA HA HA HA! Hear me laughing at you RIAA? It's because you're a bunch of hypocrites! Now, they call Kazaa's lawsuit ironic and self-serving, and maybe it is, but they aren't in it to squeeze every penny out of people like the music industry is trying to do, they're suing kids to get their oh-so-precious-moola, nothing else, the message they want kids to know is "FEAR US! BUY YOUR MUSIC!". Just a little side tracking that relates to something I said in my previous editorial. Today, one of my friends just bought the new Limp Bizkit CD. Now, he told me, that most of the CD wasn't that good, and another kid I know, downloaded the songs, and burned the ones he liked, which I was told, wasn't many. I said that maybe, just maybe, sales were down because the music was just plain awful. Now, if even people listening to rap, or whatever it is, are beginning to admit songs are getting worse, that sends me a sign. Music quality is dropping in my opinion. Most people aren't going to buy a CD with very few good songs. |
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Uptown slimJim |
Re: Kutcher in the rye: Leech for the stars | ||
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Our elders consider us to be living in a privileged time. We have the privlage to witness first hand coverage of wars. We live in a time where the media can tell you everything you could possibly know about world affairs. Weither you trust the media for having reliable sources or not, you are at least hearing things that could have a direct impact on your day-to-day life. But when the focus of the media is turned towards celebrity gossip and human intrest stories (Oldest marathon runner, anyone?), the whole point of the media keeping you informed is turned into a farce. And speaking of farce, no surprise my latest complaint centers around Michael Jackson.
It seems that there was a surprise raid on MJ's Neverland ranch. In case you haven't already heard what the feds found....take a wild guess...knowing Jacko your wildest guess may not be too far off. So Michael's in the news again with more cuh-razy antics. You know I should stop making light of the situation, child molestation is a serious issue where those convicted need to be dealt with in the most strident manner...but when everything comes back to Michael Jackson it just turns into a really sad joke...kinda like the guy himself. The truth is, Michael Jackson is over. Over! The one glove, the surgeon's mask, the monkeys, the lab-grown childrenÂ…over! He had a chance to reclaim his musical crown, but instead gave us an album that was hopelessly stuck in the 80s. And instead of confronting people's perceptions of him as a freak, he ignored them., carrying on as if the last 15 years hadn't happened. His career has become like his trademark moonwalk - moving backwards. Audience tastes have changed, Jacko's music didn't. Ever since that TV special last year, I long for the days when we only knew bits and pieces about Michael's life...now I think we all know a little too much than what we wanted to know (And we weren't too far off about the whole kid touchy-feely thing.) Do I think Michael touched some kid? Do I think he's unsuited to be a father? Do I think he touched another kid? Do I think he's a few members short of a Jackson 5? well...yeah...but for the most part I don't give a rats ass anymore. Okay we all know by now that Michael isn't like normal people...or abnormal people. So why do we want to keep hearing about him? The last thing we want for him is to give him more attention. Everytime the camera is pointed at him he does something that raises the bar higher and higher. First it was the kid thing, then he changed his skin and hair colour, then he claimed that Sony music didn't promote his album enough because he was (No, that's not a typo. I said 'was') black, Then he dangles his baby (Apply nammed blanket...after what's covering his face all the time), then he goes and has another rendezvous with an 11 year old. My point is as long as we're learning more about this guy, the more he's going to try and shock us. If we just stop paying attention to him he'll eventually go away. We've all seen what passes for news in this continent. Forget about child obesity and progress in Iraq, we want to hear more about a celebrities charges. It seems to lift our spirits doesn't it? Seeing Jacko on TV trying to defend his shameful name. Aw, you grew up in an abusive home and missed out on your childhood because you were forced to work? Yeah, you and about a trillion other children in the world...the only difference is that your labour was filled with glizt and glamour. Just because you had a horrid childhood doesn't make blanketing an infant right...there are children who grew up with less than what you had and they don't try to compensate for it when they're adults. And the pedophile charges? Your idea that it was all made up by record companies to labell you when you started outselling white artists? Sorry Michael, but you were breaking white people's records for years before that whole thing surfaced. But better to blame racism than the fact that you had sleepovers with little boys and paid out millions in hush money. Since your so into the life on little boys, maybe you should hear the story of the boy who cried wolf. Sure, when a child molestor is discovered it needs to be brought to the attention of the world. Reminding people that such horros exist. But the Jackson tagline is making a mockery of the issue and distracting people from giving it serious attention. Maybe next time Michael goes into his hyperbaric chamber, someone should flood it with cryogenic gas, and thaw him out when 80s nostalgia becomes all the rage. At least then, he'll be some other decade's problem. Respond to this and other Editorials in the discussion forum. pub37.ezboard.com/fnextgenerationconsoles80644frm15.showMessage?topicID=3.topic |
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Uptown slimJim |
Moving movies: Are we THAT desperate for meaning? | ||
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When we think of stars nowadays we tend not to think of the shinny, astrological bodies of gas that were used to navigate and chart the skies. The word 'Stars' is more commonly used as a way of reffering to any group of celebrities. Why is that? In the early centuries we were mesmerized by stars and even went so far as worshiping the ones closest to us...nowadays we do the same but the definitions of 'stars' have changed in regularity.
What is it about celebrites that compell us to gawk at them like modern day messiahs? Surely it can't be because we're a bunch of easily manipulated sheep who buy into the hype bombarded onto us by MTV and FOX. What is it about the famous that has changed our conception of them from something to be envied to something to be admired? Again, it can't be that we're a bunch of sheep who believe everything that we're told. Here's a thought from yours turely. It all has to do with our emotions and our belief in good triumphing over evil. The word Critic stems from the root word Critical. Wich, by definition, is 'tending to find fault.' (Webster's New World Dictionary...yes I keep a copy by my computer) Now think about how the TV viewing audience tend to view modern critics like Leonard Maltin or Simon Cowell: Mean, vicious, ruthless, pure evil. The majority of people will dislike harsh critics, with their put-downs and negative comments, in order to stick-up for their favorite movie and singer. Why is that? Why are regular Joes (Or Iregular Joes in some cases) so quick to outcast critics and stand by their favorites? Could it be that we'd like to envision ourselves as someone else? Hear me out. Have you seen all three Lord of the Rings movies? How about all three Matrix movies? Star Wars? Chances are you probably have. Now, did you cry at the end of the last movie in the series? There's no shame if you did. After all, you've seen three movies starring characters you've come to know. At the end of the third movie their adventure is over, there's nothing more that the heroes can do and since there's no reason to keep going they go on with their former lives. For us, however, it's turning into a long good-bye where it seems like you're losing an old friend. Take Lord of the Rings for example. Many consider the books to be an allegory for big business. Makes sense, after all the one who sets out to destroy the corporation is a small, simple creature that no one has ever heard of (Hobbits aren't nearly as well known as elves and dwarves.) Frodo is 'the little guy' who we're told not to underestimate because even the smallest person can make a difference blah blah blah blah. It all has to do with encouraging morals to give us hope. We'd like to think that if a regular Joe, an unlikely hero or an imfamous zero can pull off the impossible in a movie, than maybe there's a chance for all of us to do the same in our own life. We're looking for that happy ending that comforts us by showing that everything turns out okay in the end. Triumphing over adversity, prooving all odds against us wrong, making something of ourself. Yes, good uplifting messages--too bad the script for our lives has to be finished by ourselves. There's no way of knowing how our lives are going to turn out in the end, nor will watching movies give us any insight to how our life is going to leave us. The feel-good movies of the year will stir confidence in you...but don't let it go to your head. That's why we have critics, to remind you of the bad and the goofs in the medium we so choose. Go ahead and shun my fellow critics and I...not my fault if you feel like we're insulting you by poking fun at the movie that gives you hope. Respond to this and other Editorials in the discussion forum. pub37.ezboard.com/fnextgenerationconsoles80644frm15.showMessage?topicID=3.topic |
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